Domestic violence

Knowing the signs of abuse

You may not be able to identify abuse in the early stages as it usually begins in a subtle way. It can begin as an occasional unkind comment, can turn more vicious later on and over a period of time the abuser begins controlling your behavior and your life. As the situation worsens the abuse can become more frequent, severe and violent putting your safety and that of your children at a dangerous risk. Here are some signs that will help you know if you are in a relationship with a person who abuses you.

Signs of domestic abuse

• You have to constantly keep asking the person money for your everyday expenses.
• The person often commits deliberate acts to scare you.
• The person is very possessive of you and questions your actions everytime, often accusing you of being unfaithful.
• The person tries to control you in everyway—what you do, what you wear, where you go, whom you talk to, etc.
• Gets violent when intoxicated with alcohol or drugs
• Threatens to kill you or threatens suicide
• Beats you up often or threatens you with a weapon
• Forces you to have sex without your consent
• Prevents you from seeing family members and friends

Dangers of domestic abuse

Domestic violence can be especially dangerous if you are pregnant or have children. The health of your unborn baby and that of your children are at extreme risk.

Besides, being witness to abuse can have a psychologically negative impact on children. Most men who abuse their wives abuse their children too.

If you feel you or your children are victims of abuse, seek help immediately. It is the best way to save your children and yourself.

• Calls you insulting names or engages in criticizing you.
• Blames you for his abusive behavior. Makes you feel that you deserve it.
• Scares you by breaking things in the house or hurting your children or pets.
• Threatens to hurt you, your children or your family members.
• Takes all the household decisions by himself and treats you like a slave.
• Does not allow you to meet friends, family members or to socialize.
• Calls you frequently when you are at work and portrays a bad image about you amongst your friends, relatives and office coworkers.

Ending the abuse

Domestic violence can take a toll on your life and that of your children. Overtime the abuse usually worsens and the frequency only increases, unless you take preventive action at the earliest. Remember, domestic violence can break you down and rob you of your self-esteem and confidence. The irony is that over a period of time you may begin to doubt your own abilities and integrity. Worse, you may actually begin to feel that you are at fault for the torture that you suffer and even begin to feel that you probably deserve it.

This is the most dangerous part of the entire situation. Putting up with the abuse is the worst thing you can do to yourself and your children. Your decision to continue staying with your tormentor will only embolden him and encourage him to abuse you further.

If you feel you are a victim of domestic violence, talk about it to someone you trust—a friend, relative, parent or colleague. It is also a good idea to talk to your doctor about it. Your doctor will be able to help you cope with it. He or she may also recommend you to an expert who specializes in cases related to domestic abuse.

Being confused as you may be, you may not be in a position to make a rational and intelligent decision on your own. Therefore it is vital that you seek external help—the sooner the better.